Today I met with the local manager of a community centre, to find out what had been said about the issues I wanted to raise, to find out what the community centre actually does, and to see where I might step in to fill cracks regarding gender and sexuality issues.
It was a very positive meeting. I told him about the contact I'd had with the local councillor, and he told me about the 5 key areas that the centre works in.
We identified how I might influence several of the projects running in those areas, and I suggested a couple of ideas I had as well.
The centre is involved with lots of groups, which I may be inserted into (with support) to challenge intolerant attitudes on a personal level. Engaging people across the age spectrum. This will be a daunting challenge for some of the groups, but is not outside the realm of possibility. Groups involve a youth group, a couple of women's groups, English language courses
My own suggestions involved presence at things like community fairs with treats and leaflets, to setting up a support network for people within the sexual and gender minorities.
As some positives from the things that go from here begin to surface, I'll be able to write something for the community paper (there is special emphasis on positive things only in the paper).
Ideas will develop over time, and I'll be having a meeting on 15th July with the manager and a few others working in the other areas will be present too.
24 June 2010
14 June 2010
Community Centre Connection
Following on from my meeting with a local councillor:
After a couple of e-mail pokes to see where things were, I decided (a little out of frustration of the wait between contact with her) I would go to the community centre in person and talk to the head-guy and find out from him where things were.
He had no idea what was going on, which was a little upsetting, considering how positive my communication with the councillor had been so far. I made an appointment with him (next week, 24th) to go over what I had said to the councillor and go from there.
After a couple of e-mail pokes to see where things were, I decided (a little out of frustration of the wait between contact with her) I would go to the community centre in person and talk to the head-guy and find out from him where things were.
He had no idea what was going on, which was a little upsetting, considering how positive my communication with the councillor had been so far. I made an appointment with him (next week, 24th) to go over what I had said to the councillor and go from there.
5 June 2010
Those 'Harmless' Comments
The opportunistic pot-shot made by an idiot, 10 paces down the road after passing by, that seems to happen every single time an trip out is made.
It's one of the reasons I find going out and doing things so difficult. Every comment isn't a harmless throwaway that can be ignored; It's a comment that says: “You've failed, you're not a woman,” it's a statement that implies that one should just stop trying, that one is wrong, will always be wrong, and will never be accepted. It makes a person feel small and worthless and like their life isn't worth living.
In this article I want to highlight how these things make a trans-person feel when they suffer a transphobic, prejudiced, offensive or discriminatory comment.
I asked a question of some groups and forums for trans-people, and received some surprising results. Overwhelmingly, the advice is to not let this kind of thing get to you, to depersonalise the comment so that it becomes something ineffective and ignorable. This is fairly standard advice for dealing with most bullying or offensive behaviour.
What strikes me though, is what feels like a disturbing acceptance of this sort of thing as 'par for the course'. That despite the fact that no-one deserves to be treated so foully, we shouldn't try to challenge to causes of this treatment: the attitudes and false images of trans-people that the world seems to have. In essence, that it is okay for the world to poke fun at us and mock us and that we should just be good sports and let them.
On the other side of that, there is an implication, that if one does not 'pass' (being seen as the presented gender, and not gendered contrary to it,) they only have themselves to blame for the abuse that they receive. This is horribly unfair to an individual who has a lot of things standing in the way of passing, and puts passing on a pedestal as an ideal for the person, instead of them expressing themselves as who they are, they feel forced to live up to an ideal image which may not express who they are at all in order to live their lives without hassle from random people. In other words: You want to be accepted for who you are? Pretend to be an extreme example of your gender.
Another similar point made is about realism. It tells you to be realistic about how you look. “Maybe you do look like a man, or a tranny”. It tells you that maybe you do look odd, and because of it you will get offensive remarks. It does nothing to combat the idea that it is fine to mock people who are different, and belittles you for not trying hard enough to fit in.
When people get these insults and make a fuss, or react to it later in a safe space, they can sometimes be targeted by comments that they don't have a sense of humour, are taking themselves too seriously, they should be less sensitive to it, or should lighten up. It's very hard to personally express quite how thing like this make a person feel. They've had their self ignored, replaced by a straw-man and then been denigrated based on that.
It is best at the time to ignore the comment and carry on with your business, as a person making the comment is looking for a reaction. For most people, they're just making a comment. The reasons why people do this are speculative at best. Common thought suggests a superiority motivation; just pure ignorance in thinking that it's just a joke; others feel that it is a defensive mechanism against something that is making someone uncomfortable. Some of the harsher thoughts feel that it is systemically induced to dehumanise us, to make us fearful and keep us from showing ourselves in public, and being proud and happy for who we are.
The truth of the matter though, is that for whatever reason, people feel like it is completely acceptable to make snide comments, question us without regard to our comfort, stereotype us, treat as disgusting abominations, and outright swear at us across the street and to our faces. The truly malicious will carry this on over time too, dragging on the same pattern of abuse. Some directly dog the steps of a trans-person making comments, others stand to once side and try to incite others to act against a trans-person.
Strictly speaking, this is an issue that people face in general because people are naturally drawn to things they find out of place or odd, those that do things that could be considered non-conforming are also subject to the same sorts of things. As I've written in a previous article however, there isn't anything really unusual about trans-people. We're just women and men looking to get on with our lives without hassle.
Realising it or not, the thought that it is okay to pass comment and judgement on the street is not challenged, because rising to it at the time is considered letting the commentator have their victory, and outside of these events, they are not challenged. This is a problem, because there is no way to challenge this. Reporting them to the police does not work, because although it is a hate crime, the police do not have the powers necessary to combat this kind of abuse, meaning it is solely on the person to deal with the feelings and hurt caused by a comment.
I was criticised greatly on one forum, because I was hurt from a comment someone had made whilst I was going about doing some shopping for food. I was upset and angry that people felt like this was okay behaviour. While none of us disagreed on the core premise that the person who made the comment, one of a group, was small minded and ignorant, we disagreed on what to do with those feelings. I did get annoyed at times, feeling attacked over again because I could not just switch off how the event made me feel, or how I felt I had to act on the event. The best thing to do at the time was ignore the comment that was made, but that does not solve the problem of people making comments in the first place. Dwelling on it is not helpful, something that is a particularly difficult thing to stop doing for some. Ignoring it and letting your feelings out elsewhere seems more like putting a plaster on a grazed knee, cutting it out at the source would be like taking away the tripwire that you tripped over in the first place.
What is there to do though? Seeking empathy from those that do not care about your feelings will not work. Informing those who are wilfully ignorant will be an effort in futility too. What recourse does a person have who suffers these things?
To close this article I have obtained permission to share with you a poem that was written for the Transgender day of Remembrance, a day where those who have died because of transphobic attacks are remembered, which I feel is relevant to the topic I've discussed here.
You beat me today,
with a unkind thought.
You stabbed me today,
with ignorance.
You shot me today,
with a stare.
You killed me today,
by calling me it.
You murdered me today,
by calling me him.
You did not mean it,
but you made it OK.
~ By Abi Christopher
It's one of the reasons I find going out and doing things so difficult. Every comment isn't a harmless throwaway that can be ignored; It's a comment that says: “You've failed, you're not a woman,” it's a statement that implies that one should just stop trying, that one is wrong, will always be wrong, and will never be accepted. It makes a person feel small and worthless and like their life isn't worth living.
In this article I want to highlight how these things make a trans-person feel when they suffer a transphobic, prejudiced, offensive or discriminatory comment.
I asked a question of some groups and forums for trans-people, and received some surprising results. Overwhelmingly, the advice is to not let this kind of thing get to you, to depersonalise the comment so that it becomes something ineffective and ignorable. This is fairly standard advice for dealing with most bullying or offensive behaviour.
What strikes me though, is what feels like a disturbing acceptance of this sort of thing as 'par for the course'. That despite the fact that no-one deserves to be treated so foully, we shouldn't try to challenge to causes of this treatment: the attitudes and false images of trans-people that the world seems to have. In essence, that it is okay for the world to poke fun at us and mock us and that we should just be good sports and let them.
On the other side of that, there is an implication, that if one does not 'pass' (being seen as the presented gender, and not gendered contrary to it,) they only have themselves to blame for the abuse that they receive. This is horribly unfair to an individual who has a lot of things standing in the way of passing, and puts passing on a pedestal as an ideal for the person, instead of them expressing themselves as who they are, they feel forced to live up to an ideal image which may not express who they are at all in order to live their lives without hassle from random people. In other words: You want to be accepted for who you are? Pretend to be an extreme example of your gender.
Another similar point made is about realism. It tells you to be realistic about how you look. “Maybe you do look like a man, or a tranny”. It tells you that maybe you do look odd, and because of it you will get offensive remarks. It does nothing to combat the idea that it is fine to mock people who are different, and belittles you for not trying hard enough to fit in.
When people get these insults and make a fuss, or react to it later in a safe space, they can sometimes be targeted by comments that they don't have a sense of humour, are taking themselves too seriously, they should be less sensitive to it, or should lighten up. It's very hard to personally express quite how thing like this make a person feel. They've had their self ignored, replaced by a straw-man and then been denigrated based on that.
It is best at the time to ignore the comment and carry on with your business, as a person making the comment is looking for a reaction. For most people, they're just making a comment. The reasons why people do this are speculative at best. Common thought suggests a superiority motivation; just pure ignorance in thinking that it's just a joke; others feel that it is a defensive mechanism against something that is making someone uncomfortable. Some of the harsher thoughts feel that it is systemically induced to dehumanise us, to make us fearful and keep us from showing ourselves in public, and being proud and happy for who we are.
The truth of the matter though, is that for whatever reason, people feel like it is completely acceptable to make snide comments, question us without regard to our comfort, stereotype us, treat as disgusting abominations, and outright swear at us across the street and to our faces. The truly malicious will carry this on over time too, dragging on the same pattern of abuse. Some directly dog the steps of a trans-person making comments, others stand to once side and try to incite others to act against a trans-person.
Strictly speaking, this is an issue that people face in general because people are naturally drawn to things they find out of place or odd, those that do things that could be considered non-conforming are also subject to the same sorts of things. As I've written in a previous article however, there isn't anything really unusual about trans-people. We're just women and men looking to get on with our lives without hassle.
Realising it or not, the thought that it is okay to pass comment and judgement on the street is not challenged, because rising to it at the time is considered letting the commentator have their victory, and outside of these events, they are not challenged. This is a problem, because there is no way to challenge this. Reporting them to the police does not work, because although it is a hate crime, the police do not have the powers necessary to combat this kind of abuse, meaning it is solely on the person to deal with the feelings and hurt caused by a comment.
I was criticised greatly on one forum, because I was hurt from a comment someone had made whilst I was going about doing some shopping for food. I was upset and angry that people felt like this was okay behaviour. While none of us disagreed on the core premise that the person who made the comment, one of a group, was small minded and ignorant, we disagreed on what to do with those feelings. I did get annoyed at times, feeling attacked over again because I could not just switch off how the event made me feel, or how I felt I had to act on the event. The best thing to do at the time was ignore the comment that was made, but that does not solve the problem of people making comments in the first place. Dwelling on it is not helpful, something that is a particularly difficult thing to stop doing for some. Ignoring it and letting your feelings out elsewhere seems more like putting a plaster on a grazed knee, cutting it out at the source would be like taking away the tripwire that you tripped over in the first place.
What is there to do though? Seeking empathy from those that do not care about your feelings will not work. Informing those who are wilfully ignorant will be an effort in futility too. What recourse does a person have who suffers these things?
To close this article I have obtained permission to share with you a poem that was written for the Transgender day of Remembrance, a day where those who have died because of transphobic attacks are remembered, which I feel is relevant to the topic I've discussed here.
You beat me today,
with a unkind thought.
You stabbed me today,
with ignorance.
You shot me today,
with a stare.
You killed me today,
by calling me it.
You murdered me today,
by calling me him.
You did not mean it,
but you made it OK.
~ By Abi Christopher
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